Dating Like a Mother

All of us have insecurities, but most of us do not lead with them.  Most of us try to keep them hidden and only allow them to be visible in vulnerable moments.  Recently (6 months or so ago) I was asked about mine.  He mentioned that I'm so confident and seem to really have much of it figured out.  I thought that's a strange thing to ask someone.  I tried to brush it off, I joked that those are for those close to me.   The hardest part is when someone, someone very close, someone you love more than others says something to you about it.  Let me share a little, be vulnerable.  One of my greatest insecurities is something I am really good at.  It's something that people praise me for, their words often bring me to tears.  It's something I absolutely love and feel so blessed to be a part of.  But, its something that also causes me a lot of insecurity.  Something that makes me question my worth and value.  What is it you ...

 If you told me... I would be a statistic I would be a single mom I would be a barre enthusiast I would be setting the foundation for so many children to love education I would be a home owner I would be my healthiest in my 40s I would be an incredible cook I would still be single I would be a boy mom I would juggle it all I wouldn't believe YOU! I am so many things that I never thought I would be.  That's just a few listed above.  But, here I am in all of my glory.  I love my story as much as one can.  That doesn't mean I don't wish things looked a little different. On a day like today, incident day; I can't help but think about all the twists and turns my life has taken and what might be ahead.  As a child I attended 12 different schools, at times more than one in a school year.  I always managed to make friends and find a place for myself with each change.  I have once again found a place for myself (and my boys) in this crazy place we call lif...

Every year around this time as July 29th approaches, I can be very high emotion.  It usually starts about a week before.  It's such a huge part of my story, and it's something I'll never be able to forget.  It's the night that my life changed forever.  I can tell you everything about that day.  The activities I did with my children leading up to that night.  I wish I could simply 'Let that Sh*t Go", but I can't.  I have forgiven, but I will never forget the events that night.  And it still causes emotion.  I wish none of it upon anyone, and I never want to experience any of it ever again.  But because of that night, I have grown.  I am stronger, more confident, resilient, and proud of who I am.  I have taken on  more than I could have ever imagined.  This doesn't mean that I don't still break at the thoughts and feelings of that night. My story is not a secret, and part of who I am.  So, if I'm off the next week ...

If you know me, you know that my faith is very important to me.  It is the foundation of who I am.  You also know that I will never push it on anyone.  I'm happy to share but like to live by example alone.  (Trust me, I'm not a perfect example.)  When I say example, I simply mean that I put my trust in God, and know that he will never leave my side.  Even during my darkest days he has walked a long side me.  I share this because of a sermon at church today.   Today's sermon topic was about not quitting,  putting in the grit and persevering.  Let me also say that I did NOT agree with everything I heard.  But I'm going to stick to the parts I did like.  He spoke a lot about pushing forward even when it seems impossible to keep going.  Knowing that If one gives up they ultimately will lose.  For example, college.  College can be a of hard work, challenges arise, sometimes it would seem to be easy to just drop o...

 On the eve of my 42nd Birthday I can't help but reflect.  Reflect on all the twists and turns my life has taken over those 42 years.  I had plans for myself and my family, when things changed, I shifted gears and made new plans.   I can't help but feel a little sad about some of my story.  Let me start with all the positives.   I have three incredible boys.  They are kind, generous, loving, intelligent, EVERYTHING a mother could ask for.  I am beyond blessed to call them mine. I love what I do for "work."  People trust me to love and educate their children at such a impressionable and important time.  I love working with children, loving them exactly where they are, meeting their needs and setting goals for us to grow together.  And I'm really good at it. I have two amazing sisters that I don't know what I'd do without. They are complete opposites in so many ways but they are both exactly what I need.  They love me, ...

 I can't believe the end of the school year is here.  This year has been filled with many highs and lows.  I met 16 new friends that quickly found a place in my heart.  Over the last 9 months we all grew including me.  I was pushed to deeper levels of understanding and compassion.  I left school more days than I want to admit only to climb into my car and cry.  I'm thankful for this year and each of my friends and the memories we made. Tomorrow the children will take their last slide in preparation for next year.  I have a feeling it will be a day of many emotions.  May is always a busy month, with birthdays (including my own) mother's day, graduations, soccer and the end of the school year madness.  May started with a bang with myself receiving a black eye, due to a block to the face.  I guess there is a first for everything and I hope the last.  Josiah celebrated his 14th Birthday and Mother's day followed quickly. Tomorrow i...

 After writing my last entry about the book Attached, I read an article written about the theory of attachment.  It was very helpful to me and made me feel a lot less anxious about the idea of fitting into a specific style.   Let me just start by saying that as I read the book Attached, I felt a bit like a monster, like there was something wrong with me and what I was bringing to a relationship.  The further I got into the book the worse I felt.  I actually just stopped reading at one point.  I couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with me, why wasn't I able to see my partners needs and just meet them.  Why were my needs and fears getting in the way of me being what they needed.  This went on and on. After reading an article titled 'The Trouble with attachment theory' by Freddie deBoer I started to feel better.  Fitting any one person into any one category just isn't realistic.  I remember thinking this as I read the book and may ...