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I Finally Met the Man I Never Thought I Would

 For the last ten years, my world has revolved around my three boys. I poured everything into them, my energy, my time, my heart. I became their anchor, their safe place, their constant. And as the years passed, they grew. Not just taller or older, but more independent and confident. Little by little, I began to feel that familiar shift: they still needed me, but not in the way they once did. For the first time in a decade, I could finally breathe for myself again. I had no expectations of love finding me. My life had settled into a rhythm of responsibility and quiet strength. But then, as life often does when we least expect it, it brought someone into my world who would change everything. A man finding love after loss. A man who loved deeply, truly, wholeheartedly before. Instead of feeling intimidated by the depth of his past, I found myself moved by it. The way he speaks of love, the way he honors what he once had, only makes me feel closer to him. It shows the kind of heart he...
Recent posts

The Night Before the Last Day of PreK

 Tomorrow I will wrap up another year teaching PreK.  9 months ago I met my tiny new best friends.  At first I mourned the loss of my previous class but eventually they grew on me and I fell in love with each of them.   The end of the school year (for those who love what they do) is like a really terrible break up.  This week has been full of emotion, some personal but a lot of sadness about what's coming to an end.  I'm not going to say that this year has been smooth or easy.  There have been many challenges. If you think about the amount of time I spend with these children each day it's a lot.  I spend almost 5 hours each day 4 days a week with theses kiddos.   There have been tears (from them and myself). When they walked through my door 9 months ago many of them were quiet, scared and unfamiliar with me.  I was able to earn their trust, and show them that I was more than just their teacher.  I loved them and was comple...

Discard

Discard is a word that lately has been very heavy in my heart.  The simple definition of discard is as follows: Get rid of (someone or something) as it no longer is useful or desirable. We discard things all the time not thinking twice about it.  But, what about people?  I know this sounds very harsh and maybe a bit dramatic.  But let me step back and revisit the past... As a young child I never really felt like I was wanted or desired.  Now, I'm not trying to blame anyone for this, just stating how I felt.  Those around me were doing the best that they could with what they knew.  When I was just 5 years old we moved to California to chase down a dream that my parents had.  They packed us up, we moved into a hotel and they hoped we would find a place to live.  We eventually did... (Have I ever mentioned in my lifetime I have switched schools over 10 times).  While living in California I found a nice mom and her daughters (I was probably ...

Seriously...

This weekend I made reservations to celebrate a good friends birthday.  It's always hard in the month of December to do anything besides the "Holidays".  But, I wanted to make sure the day didn't pass without her feeling special.  To make the day extra special she invited a few other friends and their children.   We finally got settled in and I noticed this guy, he had noticed our table too.  I kept racking my brain trying to figure out how I knew him.  I playing over my students dads, my boys friends dads, other dads at school, my social circle but I kept coming up short.  I finally said something to my friend and she said, Oh he's on the dating apps.  (One of the first things I often do is check fingers for rings to eliminate that as a possibility...he had a ring).  I said but, he has a ring.  She said, exactly.  This is what were dealing with.  The man was clearly out with family and extended family but is spending his ...

Max McNown - A Lot More Free

December

December is just a day away.  December is such a busy month, and I'm just bracing myself for the speed at which it moves.  Presents to be purchased and wrapped, Christmas cards to be sent (they're ordered with just a few last minute changes to receives)  That's right, this year I'm cutting my list down (more on that in a moment). Decorations to be put up (I'm a bit behind this year) Christmas programs to be practiced (so many amazing memories with this one) Projected to be finished, Volunteering to do (this year we're making stops at Santa's workshop in downtown Naperville as well as the Ronald McDonald House and who can forget Family Christmas. This year I pulled up mt Christmas address labels from last year, after printing I realized there are a few that will NOT be receiving a card this year.  No ill feelings (maybe a few) but, you just didn't make the cut this year. I actually thought long and hard about this (as posted before) I thought I would be t...

Thanksgiving

 Thanksgiving is less than a week away.  My boys don't have school at all this next week.  I on the other hand have school on Monday and Tuesday.  The sucky thing about having a two home family (That's what I like to call our situation) is sharing time.  You can say that since covid I've been a bit spoiled.  I've had access to my boys on Thanksgiving and even have been able to enjoy lunch with them.  This year just a couple days ago I was told that they would be headed out of state to see extended family.  In that very moment I broke, my eyes filled with tears and I had to be alone.  Alone with my feelings, alone with my reality.  I've been alone for Thanksgiving many times, but it still hurts. With all of my family in Michigan, I haven't spend a Thanksgiving with them since before my divorce.  Thanksgiving isn't at the top of my favorite holidays, Christmas is where all most favorite traditions are.  Since the boys were small,...