Dating Like a Mother

 I recently came across this article (can you call it that?).  It was titled 10 rare signs you're in a a relationship that can last a lifetime.  It popped up on my google feed.  It can be found in full at ideapop, and the article is by Tina Fey.  So, here it goes... 1.You can totally be yourself 2. You face problems together 3. You celebrate each others successes 4. You respect each other's personal space 5. You share core values 6. You communicate openly and honestly 7. You forgive each others mistakes 8. You can disagree without hurting each other 9.  You support each others dreams 10. You choose each other every day Thoughts, feelings?  I don't think that anyone sets out to hurt the person they're with and love.  It's how they handle it after they do.  As I continue to grow myself and accept my shortcomings I want to be able to meet all these for my future partner.  Recently, I've been a bit hard on myself, I'm not happy with the way ...

 I've thought a lot about the BIG stuff in relationships recently.  The first BIG fight came to mind.  When you're dating or even married disagreements are a given.  We're never going to see eye to eye on everything, disagreements are healthy and help to stretch us.  I want someone that's comfortable challenging me and pushing me to grow and change. A fear comes with that first fight, are they going to leave, just walk away or try and grow together?  It's real and in that moment anything can happen.  It is easier to just walk away, and I am guilty of doing it myself.  For me, I think my heart thinks it would be easier to run than to be rejected and feel that pain.  But at this point I don't want to run anymore, I want to find someone who also doesn't want to run.  I want to face all the hard things.   For me, I need that initial attraction to someone, that excitement.  I very rarely feel that.  I can use just two fing...

As many of you know, my divorce was one of the darkest periods of my life.  I'm not going to get into the details but my fight with everything around me felt like it was never going to end.  What I've learned is with each hurtle achieved there is always another one waiting around the corner.  The other day as I sat in church the sermon was on suffering.  The thought that suffering may not end until our last day here on earth is terrifying.  Tonight as I was driving home from my evening out Fight Song by Rachel Platten came on the radio and I burst into tears.  During my divorce this was "my" song.  Whenever it would come on, I would turn in up and sing every last word.  Tonight through the tears I sang the words.   Take a moment a listen, I hope you hear the words I hear and know you can turn up your power, be strong and know you still have a lot of fight left in you. Still Believe...

 If you know me, you know I'm not a fan of birds.  I find them to be completely unpredictable.  Monday morning when I arrived at school I was preparing for the day when I remembered I wanted to collect acorns (It's letter A week).  I went out my side door and began to collect, upon returning to my door I saw a dead bird on the ground.  I must have missed him when I came out because it looked like he had been there for a bit.  We cleaned him up so the children wouldn't see.   About 30 mins into our morning I was leading out "morning meeting" when I heard this terrible thunk and quickly looked over to see a bird strike the window.  In that moment I knew that had to be the fait of the other bird.  I didn't say anything because I didn't want to scare the children.  I eventually had my assistant get someone to clean it up before we went out for recess. I couldn't stop thinking about it all day, and again it continued to cross my mine....

 About 16 months ago I had agreed to go out on a second date with a gentleman.  He was very different from my usual type.  He was a clean cut guy and professional living here in Naperville.  He had three children 2 girls and a boy.  Our first meeting was very simple and I learned enough about him that it felt safe.  This is a story I've been very hesitant to share publicly. We agreed that we would meet at the destination.  He suggested that I uber since I'd be drinking because that was his plan.  I told him I'm always in control and would be just fine because I know my limit.  I had planned on having just one drink.   I arrived first and waited for him to join me.  We sat at the bar, had dinner and I enjoyed my glass of wine.  He enjoyed multiple cocktails.  He started to become very touchy with me and I just wanted to go home.  When he realized that I wanted to go home he became a bit annoyed.  He tried to ...

 My son Josiah is an excellent soccer player.  He started playing at a very early age.  He practiced and practiced until he started to see the results he wanted.  This wasn't where his hard work would stop.  He knew as did I as his mother he would have to continue to put in the hard work day in and day out if he wanted to make the team of his choice as well as be competitive with the other boys.   When he first started he was shy and wasn't willing to take many risks.  The more time he spend on the field he realized that he had to put himself out there and try new things.  Just when he would think he's at the top there are always better players and better teams.  The hard work never really stops.  I'm so proud of the young man and soccer play he has become.  This leads me to a phrase many have heard me say.  Any relationship and especially a good one it takes a lot of HARD work. What does that mean? Shouldn't the right rel...

 Many of you know that Barre3 is a safe space for me.  I'm able to go and completely be myself.  It's a space that no one is calling my name and demanding of me.  It's a place where I can put all my To Do's on hold.  I can show up and be embraced for exactly who I am in that present moment.  I've expressed so many emotions in my barre3 space.  I've laughed, shared secrets, and cried to name just a few.  I rarely invite outsiders in.  Most of the friends that I have made inside those walls also call Barre3 their space.  I have to stop and acknowledge that I have made some of my closest friends within that space.  Women I normally would have never crossed paths with in daily life.  I truly and so thankful for the space.  The few friends that I have invited know me, and know me well.  It has always felt safe.  I've had people inquire about joining me and I've always said maybe in time. (Now, I can't stop anyone from...

 Have you every missed something that was never even there to begin with?  Mourning the loss of something you thought you had but in reality was just a lie.  All of it.  You miss what you thought you had or what could have been. It's missing what you ideally want and were trying to create. You so desperately want to look past all the red flags, but when you step back they are flying higher and brighter than ever.  I'm just going to say this, don't settle, don't try to make something fit, be honest and clear with yourself.  If someone shows you who they are, believe them.  Don't fantasize about what they might become.  We are living in a broken world, full of broken people.  (I'm aware I'm broken too, but my broken is beautiful with honesty and authenticity)  I always wanted to believe that there is more good than bad in the world.  It saddens me to realize that so many people are only sharing the parts of themselves they want other'...