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Missing

 Have you every missed something that was never even there to begin with?  Mourning the loss of something you thought you had but in reality was just a lie.  All of it.  You miss what you thought you had or what could have been. It's missing what you ideally want and were trying to create.

You so desperately want to look past all the red flags, but when you step back they are flying higher and brighter than ever.  I'm just going to say this, don't settle, don't try to make something fit, be honest and clear with yourself.  If someone shows you who they are, believe them.  Don't fantasize about what they might become.  We are living in a broken world, full of broken people.  (I'm aware I'm broken too, but my broken is beautiful with honesty and authenticity) 

I always wanted to believe that there is more good than bad in the world.  It saddens me to realize that so many people are only sharing the parts of themselves they want other's to see.  Why is this? I know that there are two sides to every story.  When you're dating you only get the side of the person who is trying to win you over.  This, I understand.  But when some ones true colors start to show you can't help but wonder. 

I've come to find out more ugly about people than I could have ever imagined, things I never suspected.  I've often been told I'm too picky (not picky enough) when it comes to men I will and will not give my time to.  I will not change anything about my standards.  As a matter of fact they just went up.  

I am far from perfect, I am broken.  But, I am honest about who I am.  I own my faults and insecurities, they make me who I am.  I am deserving of happiness, as are my children.  My children are a reflection of me (and am I ever proud, they are incredible.  They are smart, thoughtful and kind, respect others and know they are loved).  All my choices are about my children and our future.  So, again, DON'T settle!

Hold you head up high, You are at the top.  Only the worthy will make it to mee you.  You are not alone while in deep waters.  

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