Putting in the HARD Work

 My son Josiah is an excellent soccer player.  He started playing at a very early age.  He practiced and practiced until he started to see the results he wanted.  This wasn't where his hard work would stop.  He knew as did I as his mother he would have to continue to put in the hard work day in and day out if he wanted to make the team of his choice as well as be competitive with the other boys.  

When he first started he was shy and wasn't willing to take many risks.  The more time he spend on the field he realized that he had to put himself out there and try new things.  Just when he would think he's at the top there are always better players and better teams.  The hard work never really stops.  I'm so proud of the young man and soccer play he has become.  This leads me to a phrase many have heard me say.  Any relationship and especially a good one it takes a lot of HARD work.

What does that mean? Shouldn't the right relationship be easy?  Well let me explain or at least try to explain.

Putting in the hard work to me means not giving up.  When you see value in your relationship you have to constantly work at it.  There will be moments when it seems smooth and easy but there will also be moments when you feel tested and question whether is the right relationship.  Relationships are hard work and the only way to have a successful one is to keep growing ourselves and being willing to work through the hard stuff.  Walking away only allows up to find a temporary fix to our problems.  Sure, relationships are fun and exciting the first couple weeks and months. But as soon as real life such as kids, jobs, parenting styles, love languages and attachments come into play (that's only naming a few) it gets hard again.  So, does that mean we should just keep running and keep looking for that perfect relationship? (Trust me, there are real deal breakers and I acknowledge them) 

I've decided I can't keep running or looking for perfect.  There is no perfect person or perfect relationship for me.  I need to get real with myself acknowledge my imperfections and work on them so I can be the best version of myself for someone else.  The doesn't mean I'll be perfect or I still wont have hard work to do.  There will always be challenges.  I just want my "perfect" person to be willing to work together to move forward.

Now, onto shouldn't the right relationship be perfect?  Ummm NO!  That's simple.  If things are perfect then you're not being honest with yourself.  Someone in the relationship is bending or not being honest which will only lead to bigger problems down the road.  If your relationship is perfect you should ask yourself, is my partner happy too?  

Being honest about your relationship and what needs change for your own happiness is healthy.  Wanting to change and put in the HARD work for your partner is healthy.  I've always had a laundry list of things I want in a partner but in the recent that has changed.  I want an attraction (that can actually grow for me over time) I want someone that is living a similar life (have children, and knee deep in parenting) I want someone that is career driven and enjoys their work. I want someone that takes care of themselves physically and mentally (this can look different and does not have to fit a specific type). I want someone I feel chemistry with (This will also grow and change over time.  With trust (for me) I grow deeper in my connection with my partner) and lastly, I want someone who is willing to put in the hard work.  The frame just needs to be there along with a commitment to keep moving forward as a team.  

If I'm being completely honest and vulnerable, I've never really had that.  I've never been able to completely trust and rely on another person.  Not as a child and certainly not as an adult.  I want that more than anything.  I also know that as part of that I need to start working on me, working on trusting others (not easily) but seeing the signs and knowing with to look for.