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This week... October is here

 This has been a very full week.  I taught Monday- Friday this week, I'm usually admin on Fridays.  I've had a few very heavy moments.  More on those in a minute.  The chaos of my days sometimes keeps me distracted but in those quiet moments I'm changed.  Between the boys busy schedules with sports and social after school moves quickly.  

This week I felt like I was under a bit of attack.  I'm not going to say by who, but It's someone who knows all of my weaknesses and strikes when they feel even just a little threatened.  People have questioned why I struggle to be vulnerable.  Simply said, because everyone I've ever let in has ultimately turned it back on me.  Since childhood I've struggled to trust, trust that my best interest was always at heart.  This lead me to some of my relationship choices this far.  Allowing people to treat me in a way that is completely unacceptable.  Whether you agree or not, I think that therapy is healthy and most people need it now and then.  I know talking with a sound person unrelated to the situation is a healthy way to get advice.

Today on my way into work (I was struggling to get there not knowing what I'd encounter in my classroom with 17 new students... It actually went better than could be expected) I was listening to the radio.  Yes, it was a Christian radio station (judge away).  The question was posed, if you were given a box of all the things you had lost over your lifetime what would you pick up first.  In that moment I knew exactly what I would grab for.  I would grab for all the pieces of my heart that have been left behind.  Silly,  I know.  When you give parts of yourself to someone you care about, you never truly get them back. 

As I head into the weekend, I have not a single plan (except barre).  The boys are out of town with their dad for the long weekend (I don't have Monday off, 203 is in school).  I just want to get a few things in order around the house and hopefully find some rest.  

See the things I am doing, and stop looking for the things I'm not!


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