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Has it Really been this Long?

 I'm not really sure where or how to begin.  I guess simply start with, they don't end in a fairytale.  Not that I really want or need a fairytale but I would like to find that special someone.  I never would have imagined that I would be in this place in my life.  I truly have so much to be thankful for.  I have three incredible boys, a great job, and friends who care about me (unfortunately many have moved away which makes it hard, but they're still amazing)  It's that one missing piece.  I'm not looking for someone that will make all my worries and stress go away but more someone who will be there to tell me it's going to be okay and we're in this together.  Clearly this has been harder to find that I ever would have imagined.  

Partly I am very picky (which I think I should be, all moms should be) It takes a lot for me to let my guard down and fully trust someone.  Trusting someone and letting them in because of my past hurts seems to much to handle some days.  I'll be honest somedays I'm not sure this journey is for me.  I want so badly to have someone special in my life but at the same time I'm not sure I'm cut out for it.

As my boys grow older I'm starting to realize they don't "need" me like they used to.  The things I think might be fun to do together doesn't really seem to interest them, this has also been a hard realization for me.  I find myself pouring into my classroom and students to keep busy.  Maybe this is my true calling in life.

I wish somedays I had a crystal ball to look into and provide me the answers.  I want to look forward and feel positive about the journey ahead.  I just don't know what that journey is and if I'm honest I'm scared.  Fear holds us back in so many ways and I'm truly guilty of that.

Here is hoping I can open my mind and heart to a new journey whatever that might be and whatever that might look like.

Blessings

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